


I know You're Trying

by PanicFOB



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Angst, Grief/Mourning, Language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-18
Updated: 2019-09-18
Packaged: 2020-10-21 07:03:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,088
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20689448
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PanicFOB/pseuds/PanicFOB
Summary: Life is hard after James and Lily are killed by Voldemort, but you and Sirius are trying your best to support each other and be there for baby Harry. Inspired by the lyrics of Love Drought by Beyonce.





	I know You're Trying

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!”

“Sirius, please! Not in front of the baby,” you scolded your boyfriend.

As if he knew you were referring to him, Harry started babbling incoherently from his high chair.

“I can’t even get a bottle unscrewed, how the hell am I supposed to raise a kid all the way to seventeen.”

“First of all, you can’t unscrew it because you’re getting too frustrated. Second, use your magic, you are a wizard after all. Third, you’re not raising him alone.”

He used his wand to open the bottle, but it didn’t seem like your little reassurance speech had done much to raise his spirits. The man hadn’t slept in three months; of course, you hadn’t slept much either. James and Lily’s deaths had been heartbreaking, and the revelation of Peter’s betrayal even more gutting. Now, you, Sirius, and Remus were all Harry had in his life, and it was up to you three to raise him to be a happy and kind young man.

You were all staying in a large cottage that you had inherited from your parents. There were five bedrooms, only three of them in use considering you and Sirius shared. Harry had cried and screamed endlessly when you had brought him here that first night after his parents’ murders. He was still young, however, and other than the occasional utterance of “mummy” with a confused look on his face, he seemed to have forgotten the whole attack.

Sirius hadn’t forgotten it. He had helped hunt Peter down that night and brought him into the ministry. He wept for weeks over his lost best friends. He and Remus often stayed up in front of the fireplace drinking any liquor they could get their hands on. They both wore dark bags under their eyes, never cracking a single smile since James had been gone.

You were grieving as well, but it was a bit different. You hadn’t been as close with the marauders in school since you had been in Slytherin. It was only after leaving Hogwarts that you and Sirius began dating and you became close with the others as well. They had become your best friends, but to Sirius, they had been his family.

You knew he felt immense pressure to be there properly for Harry because James and Lily had picked him as the godfather, but his grief was overbearing, and he couldn’t seem to put on a brave face for the little tike. So, you put on the brave face instead. You worked your hardest every day to make Harry laugh. You made sure to purchase his favorite foods, to spoil him with new toys. You played with him, tickled him, sang to him when tucking him into his crib at night. You made lists of all the things you remembered seeing Lily do with him, trying to give him a familiar environment and routine.

Your determination to provide Harry a happy home life only seemed to depress Sirius further. You felt his resentment growing toward you because you had taken on the primary role of the child’s caretaker. It had caused tension in your romantic relationship with Sirius. He had a short temper, verbally snapping at you quite often. He kissed you once every few days, but never passionately. He hadn’t made love to you since his friends had died.

You were trying to be understanding. You knew Sirius was dealing with intense hurt right now, but the more he pushed you away, the worse his mood seemed to get. You tried showering him with love any chance you got, doing anything you could to make him feel less miserable, but your efforts seemed to mostly go unnoticed.

Once Harry was done drinking his bottle, you opened up a jar of sweet potatoes and began spoon-feeding him using the “choo choo train” method. He oohed and awed as the sweet, orange mush went into his mouth. “It’s yummy, isn’t it, love?”

He babbled something in response, but forming proper words still wasn’t his strong suit. Sirius returned to the kitchen to grab a cup of tea. His hair was pulled back in a bun now, and it was the first time you’d seen it like that in a while. It made his face look brighter somehow, more determined to face the hard reality that was your world.

As you were looking away, Harry snuck his hand out to the food jar and scooped the sweet potatoes up with his fingers. He then proceeded to smear it all over his face.

“Harry! No, you silly boy. You’re such a little sneak. I bet you’ll be in Slytherin, won’t you?”

Sirius came to stand next to you and scoffed. “Not a chance in hell. He’ll be a Gryffindor just like mum and dad, and uncle Pads, and uncle Moony. Isn’t that right, little one?” He reached out and gently caressed Harry’s wild head of raven hair. The child smiled brightly at the loving touch.

“Nope. He’ll be a cunning snake, just like his auntie Y/N.”

Harry stuck out his tongue and blew spit bubbles, clearly displeased at your suggestion.

To your right, a beautiful sound erupted. One that you had not heard in so very long. One that you had missed dearly. One that was music to your ears. Sirius was laughing gleefully at Harry having rejected your attempt to recruit him to the Slytherin side.

“That’s the exact attitude you should always have to these persuasive Slytherins, Harry,” the man praised his godson.

“I don’t remember you having that reaction when I first persuaded you into bed with me,” you reminded him with a winning smirk.

“That was a different matter entirely, love. The same rules don’t apply when pleasure and intimacy is involved,” he informed you as he snaked his arms around your waist and kissed the side of your head.

“Seems to me you’re teaching Harry some very conflicting rules about conduct with Slytherins. How about we just teach him to be nice to everyone?”

“But where’s the fun in that?”

You turned fully toward him in order to pull his mouth down for a tender kiss, the most passionate one shared between you in ages. You could feel hope returning to your chest. The Sirius pressed against you was the charming and playful man you loved. The mourning may have taken its toll on him, but you knew now that as long as you stayed together, the two of you could surpass any hardship.


End file.
